I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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