Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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