one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
