Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
