I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
