im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
