Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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