I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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