I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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