You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
