turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
