I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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