at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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