I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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