You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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