Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
