a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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