yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
