I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
