I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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