I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
