bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
