how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
