When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
someone owes me an orgasm
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
