mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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