nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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