that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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