I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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