Nicole vs. Life
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Actions speak louder than pants.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
