I want to make a zoo with you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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