8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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