I met the friendliest cop last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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