The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
