I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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