i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
