ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
