8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sober January is a disaster.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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