I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
