i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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