If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
