Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
