no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
