I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
