just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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