dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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