I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
