I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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