i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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