vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
