I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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