mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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