maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
