Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
