Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
