I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize