apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My dick has a subreddit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
