Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
