..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
