this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
