I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize