My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
