I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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