my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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