besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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