Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
