Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
