I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
