is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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