The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
