You just made me feel so damn special
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
