In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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