So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
