I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my poor anus
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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