I want to have your abortion
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
