he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize