I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You ruined the universe
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
